Eloquent Hulk Reviews DC Titles


Comics Vanguard are too busy to review every comic we don’t have sent to us in advance by the big companies, as the Leeds Thought Bubble convention kicks off this week and we’re going to try and actually grab interviews, exclusives, and grammar (that’s a joke for you facebook fans to enjoy) for you all. So in our absence, we’re sending in our new and largely unloved mascot – Eloquent Hulk – to quickly review some of DC’s New 52 books, in seemingly random order.

The Flash #1

My friends, let me be quite frank with you hereonin: nothing tickles my purple-shorted fancy more than a perfectly-executed page of comicbookery. And bless, but if Francis Manapaul doesn’t provide the reader with at least four examples of this ravishing rendering during Flash #1, the starting issue of his and Brian Buccellato’s new run with the character. Many will point their lengthy indexes to the page of Flash falling through the air, crashing calamitously with the pavement as the penultimate stop on his route to the sewers. But for I, the Eloquentest of Hulks, the finest page comes directly afterwards, with Flash clasping eyes on Iris West for the very first time. Magical. The story leaves a little to be desired, as multiplied marauders manage a murderous melee.

Justice League #2

Geoff Johns and Jim Lee are still working on this series despite all suggestions to the contrary, and Lee doesn’t have to cede space to any other inkers or artists. Indeed, he draws the entirety of the second issue, in which Flash and Superman join in with Batman and Green Lantern’s box-hunting fun. There are several double-page splashes to emphasise how the story is ‘widescreen’, and Lee succeeds in making many of these feel as though they are being shown in supreme slow motion. Otherwise this issue is business as usual, with doomed Darkseid deathbots charging around, black characters being blown up as is their very wont, and no sign of Wonder Woman or Aquaman whatsoever.

Justice League Dark #2

My very soul thrills to the sight of a freshly-ironed Peter Milligan story gliding through the letter-box. Justice League Dark continues to be the very finest of DC’s 52 comics, and issue #2 even dares to double down on the number of pages featuring John Constantine. Which is to say, he appears in two pages this issue. The story sees every supernatural sorcerer or omnipotent omniscientist crushed and demolished by the fruits of sordid plans hatched by…. well, I can’t really allow myself to disclose. Deadman steals the majority of the story, and almost seems like a workable character by the time of the final page. Oh, Eloquent Hulk, you cry! Your baseless immediate dislike for Deadman is clouding your gamma-charged analysis! Perhaps so, good friends, but we shall have to see if time can change my mind. My mind, which I should repeat is GAMMA-INFUSED!

Swamp Thing #3

Debauchery in the delinquent home! Swamp Thing expands its focus, giving us an issue almost entirely devoid of Swamp Thingery. In it’s fauna-encrusted place we have the villain announced, a woman with a haircut, and the sight of a man dying from tongue tumours. Scott Snyder jumps into some true horror with this issue, and as such Eloquent Hulk recommends that you do not show this story to your younglings! Unless, that is, you wish for them to suffer a trauma! I suffered a trauma. A GAMMA-INFUSED trauma! Snyder and Paquette’s book has quickly become one of the true must-reads of the New 52, even though it does not live up to it’s promise of motorcycle-based shotgunnery.

Demon Knights #3

The once-humourous Demon Knights has become a hotbed of headlessery and cruelty! None would have thought this possible of Paul Cornell, and yet reading the issue will make you realise that perhaps your thoughts should have been reversed. Indeed! We continue to have fun and games and mostly puns with the main seven characters, but it is now quite clear that everybody else is expendable and must be expediently extinguished by the villains. Shocking horror from the creative team, made all the worse for the glee they are clearly having.

Animal Man #3

What’s this? A series of positive reviews, with nary a thought for inferior inkery? This is the realm of Eloquent Hulk, dear friends, and I’ll thank you not to mess with my gamma-infused thought process. Travel Foreman’s art falls apart in a frightfully fantastic way this issue, with anatomy and composition heading into unknown territory – mcuh like the peerless protagonists themselves. Lemire’s writing has already proved itself to be eccentric, and Foreman ably joins him on a quest into the heart of ‘the red place’. When the front cover warns you that this will feature a strange man on a stranger journey, take heed. The issue features a sequence of a man turning into a lion and being bitten by a giant fanged fly. Wonderful stuff!

And now… on I go. Hulk must smash, after all!

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