Marvel Are Rebooting or Something: Lazy Predictions for ‘Secret Wars’

Marvel did some kind of announcement event earlier this week where they told us that their next event series, ‘Secret Wars’, will be taking their two universes – the main one and the one which has Ultimate Spider-Man in it, whatever that Universe might be called – and smooshing them together. This means nothing will ever be the same again, providing sweet relief for all those writing solicitation texts at the company.

Basically by the end of the event, Marvel will be in a position where they can write out stuff which doesn’t synergise with their plans as a media company, and add in as many changes as they want in the name of convergence. The obvious main addition seems set to be Miles Morales being kept in the same Universe as the rest of Marvel’s characters, which feels like a move we’ve all waited five years to see happen. Was Miles around five years ago? Since the moment he first appeared, anyway.

Following on from that prediction, however, here are some of my other thoughts for what we’ll see after the event finishes:

  • Spider-Man reboots, apart from “Sins Past” which will remain canon for some reason

sinspast

  • The Fantastic Four will be gone, vanished until after Marvel can get the rights for the movies back.
  • Every single alternate universe appearing in Battleworld – including places like Marville, Age of Apocalypse, House of M and more – will be erased from existence by the end of the series, as they ‘lose’ the war and their right to continue onwards
  • Ultimate Nick Fury will be merged with Nick Fury Jr, to provide the Universe with a character who looks like Samuel L. Jackson and yet doesn’t bore fans to the point of tears.
  • A promotion for SHIELD, bringing them back to prominence in the Marvel Universe and falling several superheroes back under their thrall.
  • Black Panther and Dr Strange get new books
  • Loki sacrifices the past few years of development, completing a behind-the-scenes deal which saves the Marvel Universe but returns him to a cackling villain type
  • Cyclops is killed off, saying “Wolverine was right” as he dies. He will be the only one of the X-Men to appear in the storyline and all the X-Men characters will henceforth be called Marvel’s mightiest M-Words
  • Steve Rogers returns as Captain America, male Thor returns as Thor.
  • The Inhumans will be settled into Marvel’s New York, likely with their floating city landing directly on top of the Westchester Mansion
  • A new Defenders title debuts, written by…. I dunno, let’s say Sam Humphries
  • Characters like MI13 and Alpha Flight will be given new chances to grow an audience, and see if they might have a movie/TV-friendly aspect grown into them
  • Daredevil reboots right back to the start
  • The Scarlet Witch never had a mysterious cupboard in her house
  • Everything relaunches
  • Miles Morales claims the title of ‘All-New Spider-Man’
  • Jack Kirby will be removed from his position as God in the Marvel Universe, to be replaced with Kevin Feige
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  1. […] in some capacity, but otherwise it’s a whole new ballgame. § Meanwhile Steve Morris has some predictions for what will happen, and I like Steve’s version of the […]

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